i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize
