I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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