I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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