Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
