I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
God, I missed his penis.
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