Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
