Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
actually, I'm a sock model
Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize