captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
