trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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