I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
