There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Randomize
