Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
