At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
