i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
