was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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