i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
40s are totally the cure
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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