if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Randomize
