: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
