Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
