I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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