I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
