remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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