Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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