Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
