the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Randomize
