I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
