my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize