I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
