This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
