i need an iv and a liver transplant
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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