Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
