You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
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