The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
