So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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