Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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