11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
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