so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Randomize
