Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I want a musical about memes.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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