i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
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