she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
