shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
