I hate your face
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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