the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
You can't special order awesome
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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