Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
