He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
She made me pour olive oil on her.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
