i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
