This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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