Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
