I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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