Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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