I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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