I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
