o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
