Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Randomize
