You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
