i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Michael Bay diarrhea
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
