Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
