Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
