Yo dont text me then not text me
I want to walk on stilts...naked
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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