I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Randomize
