I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Randomize
