Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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