I must be too annoying 4 u.
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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