Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
