Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
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