I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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