How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
