Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
