I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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