I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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