I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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