I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
barbara walters just said penis...
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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