You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Randomize
