honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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