when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
