So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
i drank out of a bidet.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
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