you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
