I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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