do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
