Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
i would punch a child for taco bell
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize