Who wears a wallet chain?!
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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