Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Randomize
