I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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