i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize