oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
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