My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Randomize
