Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Randomize
