The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
