Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
